Sequoia Senior Solutions Blog

Comments & Discussions Pertinent to Seniors and Their Families

The Sandwich Generation—Being Over-Controlling

Let’s take a moment to review the definitions and statistics of the Sandwich Generation.  Adults who find themselves squeezed between taking care of their children while taking care of their elderly parents or other family members are referred to as “the sandwich generation.”

One statistical study claims that 1 in 8 Americans aged 40-60 takes care of both generations and that this group is growing.  Television commercials have begun toting life insurance to the elders of the group as a way to take care of the children. The commercials make it seem like the elders do not intend to rely too heavily on their children. In actuality the opposite is true.

Meanwhile the grown children are creating a parallel problem if they don’t allow their children the right to make decisions, even wrong ones. The children in turn do not have the psychological resources to think independently and learn to make good decisions. Children like this are likely to be clingy, emotionally needy children as a result of overly supervising parents. These children become the boomerang children that leave the nest, but have to return because they cannot be independent.

Adults trying to function in roles between their children and their parents need to be careful if they feel the need to be in complete control. Becoming aware of the tendency, the adults should work to modify their needs to be in charge since this is a major cause of difficulties in the multigenerational mixture.

The person who feels like the meat in the sandwich is often the person faced with demands from all sides. This is an inevitable situation during which the person in the middle needs to make a realistic exam of her priorities and feelings of responsibility.

The needs of the parents and the children must be examined and then decisions can be made on how to care of each member of the group in a guilt-free manner.  People need to realize that it’s all right to ask other family members for help, and it’s also all right to get community-support services such as what we offer at Sequoia Senior Solutions.

It is important to realize that this period of life will not last forever and that the person who feels the most pressure must remember her own needs. Seek a time each day to recharge those worn out batteries and they will last longer.

How do you recharge your batteries?


Stanton Lawson is the Co-Owner of Sequoia Senior Solutions. Sequoia’s mission is to ensure a better quality of life for their elderly clients and their families, by providing dependable and affordable in-home care. Sequoia’s focus is to keep you or your loved ones at home and avoid:

  • Loss of friends and possessions
  • Loss of independence and freedom
  • Loss of spirit which is drained by the battles of daily living

Sequoia Senior Solutions, Inc. services Lake, Marin, Mendocino, Napa, Sonoma and Solano Counties. The main office is located at191 Lynch Creek Way, Suite 102, Petaluma, CA 94954. Email  Tel: (707) 763-6600 Fax: (707) 763-6607,

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